Month: January 2013

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“I do not believe in the terrible twos” she said, back when her child was one

I have always (read before having a child) thought that “the terrible twos” label was just an excuse for letting small children get away with having tantrums in supermarkets or hitting/biting their fellow two year olds.

Well, in hindsight, what I can now say is that I’m sorry to all other parents for mistakenly judging you in the past. Parents of two year olds should be given enormous amounts of chocolate, hugs and gin as it sure isn’t easy!

Elliot turned two in December – so we’ve only just started in this minefield and already at times we genuinely feel like we’re walking on egg shells….always scared of the next seemingly normal situation thats actually going to tip him over the edge from beautiful, funny, clever Elliot into “the monster”?

These are just a few things we’ve had crying fits about this week (and its only Wednesday!):

  • Daddy put socks on him (how cruel!)
  • He wanted milk in a different cup
  • The Thomas and Friends we were watching was wrong (this happens frequently!)
  • He couldn’t tell us which book he wanted
  • He didn’t want a bath, and when in the bath he didn’t want to get out
  • He wanted yoghurt before his lunch
  • He wanted a drink, in the car, stuck in traffic, on the way home from nursery (emergency drinks have now been squirrelled away in the car for this purpose)
  • He wanted a “mummy cuddle”, again while in the car (I do yoga but am not quite that bendy – anyone know where Inspector Gadget got those arms??)

So you see, I’m starting to (shh…don’t tell anyone…) believe that there’s something in the labeling of terrible twos. At least it gives us mums and dads some hope that in 12 months it will be over??

So next time you see a mum or dad gazing anxiously around while their little darling demonstrates his/her frustration in a public place, smile nicely and don’t judge. We’re doing our best, honestly!

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Angel

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Monster

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The perfect curl

Dear Elliot,

You’ve got the most amazing hair at the moment, like a halo of curls around your beautiful face. So amazing it stops people in the street who feel compelled to tell us how beautiful you are (we know this already!) and who only occasionally (more often than I’d like) mistake you for a girl!

I know deep down that the time is coming where we’ll have to make a decision to cut your hair, but right now I’m making a pact with myself to put that off for as long as possible.

An example of “the perfect curl”:

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The business of birthing

I’ve been following a series of tweets from Kirstie Allsopp (@KirstieMAllsopp) today inviting comments on NCT’s attitude towards c-sections and bottle feeding. The National Childbirth Trust is well known for having a “natural birthing” focus, but it seems that many women feel that they have been presented with a rose-tinted view of birth and subsequently feel like they’ve not “done it properly” when this isn’t the reality they are faced with during labour and birth. About a quarter of all births in the UK are Caesarean sections and this doesn’t seem to be reflected in the NCT offerings.

As I could have predicted, these tweets to Kirstie have sparked me to think about my own birth experience and the attitude of my NCT leader in preparing me for Elliot’s arrival.

Before my rant reasoned argument begins, I should place a disclaimer here: obviously these views are all my own and I am only talking about my own experience with the NCT two years ago.

Through my NCT classes in October and November 2010 we met an amazing group of friends who we are still very much in touch with today. I love the fact that my son has friends that he has known since before they were all born! This was certainly the best aspect of the classes I attended and I know I’m not on my own in feeling that these friends of mine and I are forever bonded by experiencing that tough first year together. I love them all so much (that’s probably another blog post in itself!)

However, I do feel very strongly that we were not adequately prepared for the traumatic birth that some of us experienced. In no way do I think it is possible for one teacher to cover all the various aspects and possibilities of birthing within one course but I don’t think I’m alone in thinking that we were actually actively dissuaded from inductions or c-sections, when in reality a large percentage of women (myself included) do not have any options when all is said and done – I mean you can hardly refuse an emergency c-section can you? The clue is in the name!!

During the classes, we were given talks about the various stages of labour, lots of talks about how we can recognise what stage we are in (I can still see the cut out cartoon faces that we had to match up with the various stages!)

We also had detailed information about breast feeding (no bottles, which I can’t help thinking is actually harder to get right, no?!), and one particularly interesting night was spent looking inside nappies that had been smeared with marmite, pesto, or korma sauce to illustrate the progression of our soon-to-be newborn’s bowel movements.

I very clearly remember being told that we should “do everything we can to avoid being induced”, to which we all naively nodded like school children and then went home feeling a little bit confused and hopeful we wouldn’t have to worry about it.

The following week the anti-induction message continued, and the statistics of how being induced greatly increases your chances of having a medicalised birth (i.e. a forceps, ventouse or cesarean section) were discussed so the advice was still to “do everything we can” to avoid it.

Needless to say, and to be honest rather predictably for me, I ended up at 41 weeks thinking I’d already gone against the advice of my NCT tutor as I’d failed to go into labour naturally.

Resigning myself to the prospect of being induced, I then spent 20 hours in labour – actually doing really well – before I then had the second anti-NCT thought of this whole birthing experience, which was whether to have an epidural or not. I clearly remember struggling with this decision whilst completely exhausted and upset, before (thankfully?) the decision was taken out of my hands as an emergency cesarean was deemed necessary.

Of course once my beautiful son was born and was safe and well (Apgars of 10 and 10 thank you very much!) I quickly forgot about the NCT message and pushed it to the back of mind.

Today, having noticed the number of mums who are in the same boat, makes me more than a little cross. Don’t even get me started on the breast vs bottle debate which I can’t begin to cover here.

Now this is my own experience. I continue to recommend the NCT to pregnant friends as a good way to meet people and learn the basics of childcare but I do tell them to take everything with a pinch of salt so to speak.

It may not be the ethos of the NCT, or perhaps its just some of their group leaders that choose to promote an anti-medicalised labour?, but at whatever level the course outlines are agreed there needs to be an agreement to listen to the weight of evidence that implies that women do not feel adequately supported currently and address this to improve the offering.

Surely no matter how their babies are born it is the health of the mother (both mentally and physically) that should be the ultimate focus of any organisation wanting to support women and their partners through this life changing time?

Ok, rant over….

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P.S. If you’d like to read Kirstie’s blog on this issue, and the responses, you can find it here. (I especially like the Dara O’Briain NCT video at the end)

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The Book List 2013

Dear Elliot,

One of my favourite things at the moment is how much you love books. You can happily sit and amuse yourself looking at books on your own, and can tell us the titles of most of the Thomas books we own (quite a few!)

Elliot reading

I, on the other hand, have done less reading in the past two years than at any point in my life. Funnily enough, I don’t class repeated “I have this little sister, Lola..” or “Thomas was a Really Useful Engine” as particularly stretching literature at the age of 32.

Thankfully your grandparents came up with a brilliant idea to get me back into my reading habit and I’m now the proud owner of a Kindle. This means I now need a book list.

Looking on several lists that other like-minded bloggers have created  (see the lovely Aimee over at More than Toast who is an inspiration in herself) and those compiled by the powers that be dictating the “Top 100 books to read before you die”, I’ve come up with a slightly shorter list for myself, but would love recommendations to add to it (I’m already a book and a half down don’t you know!)

  1. The Sun Also Rises – Ernest Hemingway
  2. The Illiad – Homer (and The Odyssey)
  3. Enders Game – Orson Scott Card
  4. Middlesex – Jeffrey Eugenides
  5. Ghost World – Daniel Claves
  6. On the Road – Jack Kerouac
  7. Their Eyes Were Watching God – Zora Neale Hurston
  8. Beloved – Toni Morrison
  9. Infinite Jest – David Foster Wallace
  10. To the Lighthouse – Virginia Woolf
  11. The Island – Victoria Hislop
  12. When God was a Rabbit – Sarah Winman
  13. The Outcast – Sadie Jones
  14. The Man in the Picture – Susan Hill
  15. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society – Mary Ann Schaffer + Anne Barrows
  16. The Sea, The Sea – Iris Murdoch
  17. The Perks of Being a Wallflower – Stephen Chbosky
  18. Her Fearful Symmetry – Audrey Niffenegger
  19. Hangover Square – Patrick Hamilton
  20. The Book Thief – Marcus Zusac
  21. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn – Betty Smith
  22. When You Reach Me – Rebecca Stead
  23. Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
  24. A Million Little Pieces – James Frey
  25. Enduring Love – Ian McEwan
  26. Me Before You – Jojo Moyes
  27. The Poisonwood Bible – Barbara Kingsolver
  28. The End of the Affair – Graham Greene
  29. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius – Dave Eggers
  30. The Glass Castle – Jeanette Walls
  31. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings – Maya Angelou
  32. The Women’s Room – Marilyn French
  33. Love Virtually – Daniel Glattauer
  34. The Other Half of Me – Morgan McCarthy
  35. Catching the Sun – Tony Parsons
  36. Delirium – Lauren Oliver
  37. Miracle on Regent Street – Ali Harris 
  38. The Distant Hours  – Kate Morton
  39. Sister – Rosamund Lupton
  40. The Girl Who Leapt Through Time – Yasutaka Tsutsui
  41. Saturday – Ian McEwen
  42. Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
  43. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time – Mark Haddon
  44. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis de Bernieres
  45. The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas – John Boyne
  46. The Alchemist – Paulo Coelho
  47. Small Island – Andrea Levy
  48. A Ladies Paradise – Emile Zola (in French?)
  49. My Dear, I Wanted To Tell You – Louisa Young
  50. The Wierd Sisters – Eleanor Brown
  51. The Master – Colm Toibin
  52. The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro

So that’s one per week of 2013 which is highly unlikely to be accomplished, but we can but try. I’ve tried to get a big variety of styles and authors in there whilst also including some books which quite frankly have been on my “to be read” shelves long enough I just need to get on with it.

And, Elliot, don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll find plenty of time to introduce you to the wonderful worlds within lots of books this year. It really won’t be long before you’re reading all on your own. I can’t wait!

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The Book List 2013

Dear Elliot,

One of my favourite things at the moment is how much you love books. You can happily sit and amuse yourself looking at books on your own, and can tell us the titles of most of the Thomas books we own (quite a few!)

Elliot reading

I, on the other hand, have done less reading in the past two years than at any point in my life. Funnily enough, I don’t class repeated “I have this little sister, Lola..” or “Thomas was a Really Useful Engine” as particularly stretching literature at the age of 32.

Thankfully your grandparents came up with a brilliant idea to get me back into my reading habit and I’m now the proud owner of a Kindle. This means I now need a book list.

Looking on several lists that other like-minded bloggers have created  (see the lovely Aimee over at More than Toast who is an inspiration in herself) and those compiled by the powers that be dictating the “Top 100 books to read before you die”, I’ve come up with a slightly shorter list for myself, but would love recommendations to add to it (I’m already a book and a half down don’t you know!)

  1. The Sun Also Rises – Ernest Hemingway
  2. The Illiad – Homer (and The Odyssey)
  3. Enders Game – Orson Scott Card
  4. Middlesex – Jeffrey Eugenides
  5. Ghost World – Daniel Claves
  6. On the Road – Jack Kerouac
  7. Their Eyes Were Watching God – Zora Neale Hurston
  8. Beloved – Toni Morrison
  9. Infinite Jest – David Foster Wallace
  10. To the Lighthouse – Virginia Woolf
  11. The Island – Victoria Hislop
  12. When God was a Rabbit – Sarah Winman
  13. The Outcast – Sadie Jones
  14. The Man in the Picture – Susan Hill
  15. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society – Mary Ann Schaffer + Anne Barrows
  16. The Sea, The Sea – Iris Murdoch
  17. The Perks of Being a Wallflower – Stephen Chbosky
  18. Her Fearful Symmetry – Audrey Niffenegger
  19. Hangover Square – Patrick Hamilton
  20. The Book Thief – Marcus Zusac
  21. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn – Betty Smith
  22. When You Reach Me – Rebecca Stead
  23. Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
  24. A Million Little Pieces – James Frey
  25. Enduring Love – Ian McEwan
  26. Me Before You – Jojo Moyes
  27. The Poisonwood Bible – Barbara Kingsolver
  28. The End of the Affair – Graham Greene
  29. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius – Dave Eggers
  30. The Glass Castle – Jeanette Walls
  31. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings – Maya Angelou
  32. The Women’s Room – Marilyn French
  33. Love Virtually – Daniel Glattauer
  34. The Other Half of Me – Morgan McCarthy
  35. Catching the Sun – Tony Parsons
  36. Delirium – Lauren Oliver
  37. Miracle on Regent Street – Ali Harris 
  38. The Distant Hours  – Kate Morton
  39. Sister – Rosamund Lupton
  40. The Girl Who Leapt Through Time – Yasutaka Tsutsui
  41. Saturday – Ian McEwen
  42. Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
  43. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time – Mark Haddon
  44. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis de Bernieres
  45. The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas – John Boyne
  46. The Alchemist – Paulo Coelho
  47. Small Island – Andrea Levy
  48. A Ladies Paradise – Emile Zola (in French?)
  49. My Dear, I Wanted To Tell You – Louisa Young
  50. The Wierd Sisters – Eleanor Brown
  51. The Master – Colm Toibin
  52. The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro

So that’s one per week of 2013 which is highly unlikely to be accomplished, but we can but try. I’ve tried to get a big variety of styles and authors in there whilst also including some books which quite frankly have been on my “to be read” shelves long enough I just need to get on with it.

And, Elliot, don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll find plenty of time to introduce you to the wonderful worlds within lots of books this year. It really won’t be long before you’re reading all on your own. I can’t wait!