Breaking the silence

I feel trapped. Like a butterfly in a cocoon, a lion in a cage. 
I know deep down that I want desperately to write everything in my head. But I’m fearful.

Fearful that I can’t dedicate the time any more to make this good. Worried that people in my “real life” will find out and think of me differently – will I be labelled as an oversharer? What is the point in a blog? Who do I think I am posting my life online? Who even cares about my life anyway? 

Recently I’ve ignored the tiny space on the internet that I lovingly created and crafted on maternity leave back in 2011 – and got quite good at (I was shortlisted for an award you know!) In truth, I’ve found it exceptionally hard since going back to work to carry on. 

My days are, quite simply, full.  It’s only during times like these few days between Christmas and New Year where I can pull my head up and review the past year. Only I’ve got very little to go on as there’s just tumbleweed blowing about on here. 

I’m in awe of other more established bloggers, many of whom have started and excelled in the time I’ve been blithering about over here. How do they do it? 

For one thing, I genuinely struggle to find the time, but also I’m deep down worried about people judging what I do and my decisions and pigeonholing me into the stereotype of a bragging blogger Mum. 
It has also been harder since Elliot started at school, we’re now in a new community of school mums and I don’t want to come across as an  oversharer, or be consided to be bragging about my life and my children. 

I also worry about what the boys will think when they’re older. Will they understand that I captured all of this for them? Will they forgive the absence of memories captured here from the past couple of years? Alexander turned 3 and Elliot was 6 (6!) this month. They’re growing up fast and I’m not capturing it at all, apart from some grainy photos on my phone. 

All I know is that I just want to write about my family. So what do I do? Carry on writing here? Create a new, anonymous, space, or give up and write it all in a private blog or a good old fashioned diary?? 

Who knows? I’m hoping 2017 will have the answer. 2015 and 2016 have largely been absent from this little blog of mine and it’s time for that to change. 

The only one who can make that change is me. Time to be a bit braver me thinks! 

What your fb status says about you

A couple of weeks ago I spotted a plea on Twitter from the lovely Aimee (Horton, over at Pass the Gin) asking for people to test out her new book.

Never one to turn up an offer for a free read, I jumped at the chance and was promptly sent a copy of Survival of the Ginnest.

Survival of the Ginnest, Aimee Horton cover image

I read it in one sitting. Honestly. It had me hooked. Written in a really interesting style, totally through Facebook statuses, I found myself wanting to add a comment myself, and kept looking for the ‘Like’ button!

In short, the book tells the story of four years in the life of Dottie Harris – quite a life changing four years in all honesty, as she goes through two pregnancies taking her from a girl about town, coping admirably with working with a hangover, to yummy mummy of two and the joys(!)  that her new role brings along with it. It’s a journey that lots of mums can relate to and I think the book will appeal to anyone who likes a quick read between their children’s bath time and their own bedtime!

I think what I enjoyed most is the kind of abstract voice you get if you literally just look at one person’s viewpoint on what is happening in their lives – exactly what you get if you look at someone else’s (or indeed your own) social media status updates. It can often tell a story all of its own and that is what Aimee has managed to do in this book. It’s like listening to one half of a conversation, and I had great fun making up the other half in my own head as I was reading.

I’d recommend you head over to Aimee’s blog and take a peek!

Survival of the Ginnest is available NOW in e-book format on all digital platforms and their website shops including Kindle, ibooks, Nook and Kobo, and is priced at just £1.99!

P.S. I have received no payment for this post, I just honestly loved the book – call it helping out a new virtual friend 🙂