This is me

As mentioned in my previous post, I’m itching to get my blogging mojo back.

To get me back in the mood, I thought I’d take a trawl through old posts and remind myself of the reason why I started this thing in the first place – to keep memories for my children.

So, without further ado – some of (what I like to think of as) my best posts:

I joined the Siblings linky for a couple of years – one of the most poignant for me was the post just before I returned to work after my second maternity leave in November 2014

I wrote a poem to each of my boys. Elliot’s was on his first birthday,  and Alexander’s was earlier, within a few weeks of his arrival during those early days of settling in to life with a baby – I tried to capture the wonder and awe of that precious time, now 3 years ago!

Speaking of three year olds, I also came across a warning to my future self regarding the joys(?) of parenting at this age. This was particularly interesting as Alexander turned three in December. Will have to bear this in mind.

I attempted to get better at photography after splashing out on a Nikon D3200 a couple of years ago, which resulted in some improvements in photos around here. Having said that I still like my iPhone for on-the-fly photos (and because I’m never actually that good at remembering to take the Nikon out!) My iPhone has captured some pretty lovely shots of my two in the past.

I have also used this little spot on the internet to keep hold of some recipes we’ve tried and loved, and ones which have been passed down through family. My all time favourite will always be my Grandmother’s gingerbread. It’s always a hit around here!

I’ve loved looking through my old posts. The boys are now 6 and 3, as of last month (yes two children born three years and three days apart, in December. #badplanning) so we’ve already missed quite a bit.

photo-nov2016

My task now is to find that tricky balance in parenting and working to enable more time for writing…I’ll aim to share monthly updates on our family life at the very least, hopefully more. I’m excited to start filling in the gaps and documenting our adventures. Parenting these two is lots of fun!

Breaking the silence


I feel trapped. Like a butterfly in a cocoon, a lion in a cage. 
I know deep down that I want desperately to write everything in my head. But I’m fearful.

Fearful that I can’t dedicate the time any more to make this good. Worried that people in my “real life” will find out and think of me differently – will I be labelled as an oversharer? What is the point in a blog? Who do I think I am posting my life online? Who even cares about my life anyway? 

Recently I’ve ignored the tiny space on the internet that I lovingly created and crafted on maternity leave back in 2011 – and got quite good at (I was shortlisted for an award you know!) In truth, I’ve found it exceptionally hard since going back to work to carry on. 

My days are, quite simply, full.  It’s only during times like these few days between Christmas and New Year where I can pull my head up and review the past year. Only I’ve got very little to go on as there’s just tumbleweed blowing about on here. 

I’m in awe of other more established bloggers, many of whom have started and excelled in the time I’ve been blithering about over here. How do they do it? 

For one thing, I genuinely struggle to find the time, but also I’m deep down worried about people judging what I do and my decisions and pigeonholing me into the stereotype of a bragging blogger Mum. 
It has also been harder since Elliot started at school, we’re now in a new community of school mums and I don’t want to come across as an  oversharer, or be consided to be bragging about my life and my children. 

I also worry about what the boys will think when they’re older. Will they understand that I captured all of this for them? Will they forgive the absence of memories captured here from the past couple of years? Alexander turned 3 and Elliot was 6 (6!) this month. They’re growing up fast and I’m not capturing it at all, apart from some grainy photos on my phone. 

All I know is that I just want to write about my family. So what do I do? Carry on writing here? Create a new, anonymous, space, or give up and write it all in a private blog or a good old fashioned diary?? 

Who knows? I’m hoping 2017 will have the answer. 2015 and 2016 have largely been absent from this little blog of mine and it’s time for that to change. 

The only one who can make that change is me. Time to be a bit braver me thinks! 

When it all gets too much

imageSometimes in life things get so busy and hectic that something has got to give. Something has to be abandoned by the wayside while you try to get everything back in order, and all your plates spinning again.

In the past 10 months for me, that abandoned thing has been this space. My record of life online, for my children to look back on. I’ve done terrible job this year and not kept a single note of anything we’ve done. The boys will think that Elliot’s first year of school has passed in a blur with no evidence to show that it ever happened. And so much HAS happened.

I’m almost ashamed to start again. Or more  rightly, I’m ashamed that I’ll end up stopping again.

But it I guess that’s the point. I want my boys to look at this record of their lives and see reality. And the reality is that we’ve had a super busy few months. I’ll have to summarise it all somehow but for now it feels good to just write.

The hardest step is the first. And now that’s done.

 

Nous avons fait du camping…

Two adults. Two small children. 7 hours in the car, there and back, 35 mins in a tunnel. One week in a tent. One trip to Paris on possibly the hottest day of their little lives. Easy right??

Actually, surprisingly, yes! 

I remember camping holidays as I was growing up, and the fun of being in a tent, in France or Italy, out of all routines and spending time with my favourite people (yes I’ve long counted my mum and dad and sister as my faves, obviously have added to this list with my own little family subsequently!)  It may even be why I ended up studying French at Uni, who knows!

I really REALLY want our children to feel the same way and so jumped at the suggestion of a last minute Eurocamp deal in June. 

We stayed in La Croix du Vieux Pont, in Berny Rivière (about 1.5hrs from Paris)  in one of their Safari tents, and had a great time. We visited Laon (beautiful old walled town), Reims (huge cathedral), Paris (re-visiting the place we got engaged!), and Arras (lovely squares lined with beautiful facades and cafes)

   
                   

We’re already planning our holiday for next summer, maybe the Loire… We do like a good castle! 

To my eldest boy

Dear Elliot

Tomorrow morning we will find out which Primary School you will go to in September. We’ve known this was coming but it always seemed far away enough to forget about. We’re now just a few months away from you becoming a school boy. That suddenly seems far too close for comfort.

I have been a working mama since you were 10 months old, bar the time I was on maternity leave with Alexander, so I know that in essence things are not going to be too different – I’ll be working and you’ll be at school instead of nursery/pre-school, but it just seems so final. This is the end of your baby days, you’ll no longer be a pre-schooler. It’s a huge change.

You’re so absolutely ready for school. I have no concerns at all over your ability to settle in and do well. You can read way above what would normally be expected at your age. You actually asked me today why I suggested you put your finger along the words as you read, and you’re quite right, you don’t need to as you read by sight absolutely perfectly. You read with appropriate emphasis on voices, questions and exclamations. It’s amazing how you’ve just got it! We feel incredibly proud of you.

You are fascinated by numbers too, and like to set us maths problems – “what is 156 take away 19 mummy?”

I look forward to seeing you grow in confidence when you settle in with friends who you’ll be with for your school life. I’m hoping that some of your pre-school friends will be going to the same school, so that will be a good transition.

We’re working hard with you at the moment to get you ready in other ways, taking yourself to the bathroom, and getting yourself dressed and undressed. You’ve basically got it nailed in just a few days.

So, I guess there’s nothing much for me to be concerned about. As usual it’s more painful for me than it is for you. Time to let you fly the nest a little, just remember I’m always ALWAYS here for you.

Lots of love,

Mummy xxx

A mummy cuddle