A letter of apology

To the future girlfriend/wife/life- partner of my currently-3-year-old son,

Hello. Nice to meet you. I’m sure we’ll get along just fine but I feel like I must first apologise for some rather strange habits that I fear you may have to learn to live with in your choice of partner.

Believe me I have tried everything to persuade him to drop these delightful traits but, as you probably know by now, your boyfriend of choice is pretty strong willed!

So, if you are serious about this, you’ll need to get used to the following:

– The first meal he will have made you (and probably most meals you have together actually) will undoubtedly consist of fish fingers and chips or a Dairylea Dunker. There will not be a vegetable in sight, so forget all hopes of getting your five- (or seven-) a-day whilst in this relationship. You may consider taking vitamin supplements. He may also ask you to feed him. You know, his arms lose all ability to function whenever there is someone else with arms around to rely on. Sorry about that. Please remember to cool down any hot food by blowing on the spoon…
– Any new suggestion is likely to be met with an immediate “No” response, usually supported by one of the following reasons:
* I’m too tired
* I’ll do it tomorrow
* I’m not happy
* I don’t like it
This applies to EVERYTHING! Literally. Good luck trying to get around these.
– The above means that it is likely that your choice of partner will wear holes in shoes rather than buy new ones, not want to wear short sleeved tops without a long sleeved top on top AT ALL TIMES and generally always want to wear what he wore yesterday rather than anything clean…
– N.B. The one exception to the above is when a visit to a soft play area, or a trip to the swings and slides, is suggested. This generally always elicits a “Yes”
– You’ll need to be proficient in your knowledge of Thomas and Friends characters. Heaven help you if you get Henry confused with Percy! Knowing storylines is also important as he likes to play “guess the engine” at regular intervals and will correct any errors with a sigh. You have been warned.
– In addition to the point above, get used to watching endless YouTube videos of people covering Thomas engines in PlayDoh and pushing them off tables. It is important that this is thought of as “fun”

Despite all this, he is still I hope a pretty cute guy, and has a heart of gold. It is true, his mother does love him!

Good luck. If you ever need any moral support, you’re welcome round here anytime. I’ll have the kettle on.

With love,
Your future mother-in-law xx

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20 thoughts on “A letter of apology

    • I think pigs might fly before we get to the girlfriend stage – seriously Thomas the tank engine on repeat and smothering everything with mayonnaise before eating it aren’t exactly girlfriend attracting activities…still, there’s time I guess! Thanks for reading 🙂

  1. 😀 My oldest adoredThomas and I knew all of them off by heart. Now he’s 20 and neither of us can remember them. I dare say when he eventually cooks for a girl though it is likely to be dairylea dunkers or ALDI £1 pizza 😀

  2. Aww I’m sure he will grow up to make a great partner really, and grow out of the dairy lea dunkers obsession! My kids have the Thomas on youtube obsession too 🙂

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