Pregnancy

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Some news

So, I’m not going to lie, I’ve had other things on my mind during the past couple of months that mean I have rather neglected this little blog of mine. This is a shame as Elliot has been fast developing his speech even further, and is also taking early steps in reading too – all of this will have to be blogged about soon or I shall forget (stupid Mummy brain)

Though I now have another reason to be speedily depleting my brain cells once again- we are pregnant!

Yep, Elliot’s little brother or sister will make an appearance sometime in December. Handily coinciding with Elliot’s third birthday – now that’s a present he’s not going to forget in a hurry!

At this stage I think it will be born by elective cesarean sometime around the 7th – and my midwife and consultant are all on board so we’ll just need to wait and see.

Needless to say we are all now very excited. Elliot keeps asking to “see baby, mummy?” which is rather cute.

We’ve had a rocky road to get here though, hence my nervousness about posting on here. At 14 weeks now and having been able to find the heartbeat with a Doppler at home, and having had a wonderful 12 week scan, I’m hoping we can relax and enjoy the second trimester for a while.

I have been writing a series of secret posts, addressed to the baby, which go some way to explaining our nervousness, which if I’m brave enough I’ll post on here in the next few weeks.

In the meantime, apologies for the lack of posts and hopefully now I can stay up a bit later than 8pm, I’ll be able to write a bit more often. I’ll leave you with a picture of surely the cutest big brother to be (I’m not biased at all!)
Xx

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The business of birthing

I’ve been following a series of tweets from Kirstie Allsopp (@KirstieMAllsopp) today inviting comments on NCT’s attitude towards c-sections and bottle feeding. The National Childbirth Trust is well known for having a “natural birthing” focus, but it seems that many women feel that they have been presented with a rose-tinted view of birth and subsequently feel like they’ve not “done it properly” when this isn’t the reality they are faced with during labour and birth. About a quarter of all births in the UK are Caesarean sections and this doesn’t seem to be reflected in the NCT offerings.

As I could have predicted, these tweets to Kirstie have sparked me to think about my own birth experience and the attitude of my NCT leader in preparing me for Elliot’s arrival.

Before my rant reasoned argument begins, I should place a disclaimer here: obviously these views are all my own and I am only talking about my own experience with the NCT two years ago.

Through my NCT classes in October and November 2010 we met an amazing group of friends who we are still very much in touch with today. I love the fact that my son has friends that he has known since before they were all born! This was certainly the best aspect of the classes I attended and I know I’m not on my own in feeling that these friends of mine and I are forever bonded by experiencing that tough first year together. I love them all so much (that’s probably another blog post in itself!)

However, I do feel very strongly that we were not adequately prepared for the traumatic birth that some of us experienced. In no way do I think it is possible for one teacher to cover all the various aspects and possibilities of birthing within one course but I don’t think I’m alone in thinking that we were actually actively dissuaded from inductions or c-sections, when in reality a large percentage of women (myself included) do not have any options when all is said and done – I mean you can hardly refuse an emergency c-section can you? The clue is in the name!!

During the classes, we were given talks about the various stages of labour, lots of talks about how we can recognise what stage we are in (I can still see the cut out cartoon faces that we had to match up with the various stages!)

We also had detailed information about breast feeding (no bottles, which I can’t help thinking is actually harder to get right, no?!), and one particularly interesting night was spent looking inside nappies that had been smeared with marmite, pesto, or korma sauce to illustrate the progression of our soon-to-be newborn’s bowel movements.

I very clearly remember being told that we should “do everything we can to avoid being induced”, to which we all naively nodded like school children and then went home feeling a little bit confused and hopeful we wouldn’t have to worry about it.

The following week the anti-induction message continued, and the statistics of how being induced greatly increases your chances of having a medicalised birth (i.e. a forceps, ventouse or cesarean section) were discussed so the advice was still to “do everything we can” to avoid it.

Needless to say, and to be honest rather predictably for me, I ended up at 41 weeks thinking I’d already gone against the advice of my NCT tutor as I’d failed to go into labour naturally.

Resigning myself to the prospect of being induced, I then spent 20 hours in labour – actually doing really well – before I then had the second anti-NCT thought of this whole birthing experience, which was whether to have an epidural or not. I clearly remember struggling with this decision whilst completely exhausted and upset, before (thankfully?) the decision was taken out of my hands as an emergency cesarean was deemed necessary.

Of course once my beautiful son was born and was safe and well (Apgars of 10 and 10 thank you very much!) I quickly forgot about the NCT message and pushed it to the back of mind.

Today, having noticed the number of mums who are in the same boat, makes me more than a little cross. Don’t even get me started on the breast vs bottle debate which I can’t begin to cover here.

Now this is my own experience. I continue to recommend the NCT to pregnant friends as a good way to meet people and learn the basics of childcare but I do tell them to take everything with a pinch of salt so to speak.

It may not be the ethos of the NCT, or perhaps its just some of their group leaders that choose to promote an anti-medicalised labour?, but at whatever level the course outlines are agreed there needs to be an agreement to listen to the weight of evidence that implies that women do not feel adequately supported currently and address this to improve the offering.

Surely no matter how their babies are born it is the health of the mother (both mentally and physically) that should be the ultimate focus of any organisation wanting to support women and their partners through this life changing time?

Ok, rant over….

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P.S. If you’d like to read Kirstie’s blog on this issue, and the responses, you can find it here. (I especially like the Dara O’Briain NCT video at the end)

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I wish I’d known… Mummy tips

My sister gave birth earlier this month to my first niece- she is absolutely the most beautiful thing ever!

It got me thinking back to the early days with Elliot and noting all the things I know now that I wish someone had told me back then:

1. If you’re anything like me, do not pay any heed to any Gina Ford “you must eat toast at precisely 7.48 am”/ “place the drowsy, but awake, baby in his crib in the complete darkness no later than 6.30pm” types. The Contented Baby book stays in a pile of discarded shoes/ bags under our bed in our house, only to be dragged out whenever I just need to check if E is drinking enough milk! I personally feel that trying to shoehorn your baby into that strict a routine is bound to end in tears (yours most likely!) In my limited experience I’d say let the baby be the guide for feeds etc for certainly the first few weeks. You’ll then probably find that you can keep them going for 3 hours between the start of one feed and the next, even if they start looking hungry after 2 or 2 1/2 hours- we found that jiggling Elliot around/ rocking him/ putting a clean finger in his mouth made him last that little bit longer and soon he knew that he’d be fed every 3 hours.

2. Breast feeding is really tough, and doesn’t work for everyone. I managed to breast feed E for almost 9 months, with the last 3 months down to 2 feeds a day and supplemented with formula. I may rile some breastfeeding advocates here but I was formula fed as a baby and so far have suffered no ill effects so have absolute confidence in saying that there is no need to be a martyr to the breastfeeding cause for any longer than you feel you can. It really won’t harm your child to supplement with formula or feed 100% from a bottle. After all if that means a happier mummy I think I know what the baby would choose if it could talk.

3. Regardless of breast or bottle, make sure you share the load- express and get your partner (if possible!) to do the last feed before midnight and get yourself to bed early. This worked a treat in our house. I got to sleep and my husband got to watch QI and Top Gear on Dave! Win-win!

4. Trust your instincts. The baby hasn’t read any parenting books do you can’t expect it to follow any of the advice/ routines contained therein. I definitely think there’s no harm in making it up as you go along!

5. Best bit of advice I was given: your baby needs to be left alone for a while every day, obviously in your sight – in a bouncy chair in the room with you or Moses basket with some bright toys to look at – so that it learns that it doesn’t need to be held all the time. Also gives your arms a rest and allows you to drink a hot cup of tea or type an email!

6. Keep night-time dark and day-time light – try if possible to feed in the dark at night and only change a dirty nappy, if it’s just wet then leave it be – and then mark the morning by opening curtains and singing/ chatting animatedly. Do this from an early age and the baby will soon learn about sleeping through.

7. Right from the start, if I was at home during the day I’d put Elliot down for any day time sleeps in his big cot in the nursery rather than the Moses basket in our room. I think that this helped when he came to move in there at night as it wasn’t new and scary.

8. Sleep when your baby sleeps. I was RUBBISH at this and now kinda regret it as I’ve realised that with any future babies I’ll not have that luxury as I’ll have Elliot to entertain! Make the most of any opportunity to rest.

9. Go out with your friends. As soon as you feel able to. Even if it’s just for an hour. It makes you feel human again, honestly. Do this often!!

10. Make time for your partner too. Book a babysitter (you’ll probably have people falling over eachother to offer) and go to the pub for a drink, yet again 1 hour is enough to save your sanity (though you will talk about your child for 90% of the time you are out!)

Finally, it’s always worth remembering that however exhausted you are at the beginning, it honestly doesn’t last forever. You’ll feel totally different in a matter of weeks, I promise. That first smile makes all these hard weeks worth it!

What did you wish you knew before having children?

Xxx

Elliot and Mummy – aged 2 weeks

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Your story – part two: Time to be born

To Elliot,
Here’s one of your scan pictures from before you were born! This is from your 12 week scan and you were sleeping soundly.
You and I had a great pregnancy – including trips to Germany, Malta (where I first felt you kick at 15 weeks) and China (at 28 weeks – I felt HUGE!) Towards the end, the pregnancy seemed to go on forever, particularly because I had thought you’d arrive early! You clearly had other ideas and at 11 days overdue I was induced and you were on your way!
The lovely midwife Naomi helped us get through a really tough night, and then handed over to two other midwives who were to get us to the final stage. Unfortunately, before long it was clear that you were in distress and the doctors couldn’t find your heart beat any longer so we were rushed to theatre for an emergency cesarean section to get you out safely. It took them 8 minutes to get us to the theatre and get you out. I remember how silent the room went as you were born, everyone waiting for you to breathe, and the relief when you screamed!
We didn’t know whether you were a boy or a girl but helpfully I could clearly see that you were a boy in the way they carried you past my head as they went to check everything was ok. Your Dad was the first to hold you, and you waited to open your eyes until you were safely in his arms. It was a magical moment after a traumatic few minutes and we were so pleased you were safe and well.
You and I stayed in hospital for 5 days and got to know each other. We finally came home on the 18 December 2010 – in a massive snowstorm. It was so bad we couldn’t get back to our house so we stayed at my mum and dad’s, your Grandmum and Grampy’s for your first night out of hospital.
Thankfully the roads were better the next day so we went home to get ready for your first Christmas!
Lots of love,
Mummy xx
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Your story – Part one

To Elliot,

I think there are very few times in your life that you’ll remember forever, like I’m sure those around to see the first man on the moon can tell you exactly where they were and what they were doing at that moment. Mine is a little less globally important, but it completely rocked my world so I’ll tell you all about seeing that little blue line appear on the pregancy test – actually it was a digital one, with an indication of how many weeks pregnant I was also – very handy.

I’d been in Italy with work for a week, and had a little suspicion that something wasn’t quite normal, but since I was busy at Bologna book fair, I put it to the back of my mind and continued working hard all day, and wining and dining in the evenings. I had also just got back into running so had taken my kit with me and ran in the park a few times that week, enjoying the escape it allowed me from the busy days.

It was only when I got home – Saturday 27 March 2010 – that I thought we really should find out if I was pregnant. i called your Dad who went out to buy the tests, and came back with a bottle of gin too. He asked which I wanted first and poured me a gin. I thought perhaps if there was a baby growing in me, it may not appreciate yet more alcohol to swim in so I took the test upstairs and waited, and waited, while it determined whether our lives were indeed going to change.

I was shaking as I came back down the stairs, and felt a complete mix of emotions – absolutely ecstatic and at the same time terrified at the prospect that in a few short months we’d have a little baby to join us. Your dad was thrilled too, saying that he knew it would be positive this time.

After a brief scare during those first few weeks of pregnancy, we knew all was well with you. An early scan allowed us to see your little heart beating away. I’ve never been more excited in my life.

This was the beginning of our adventure…

Lots of love,
Mummy xxx