Breaking the silence


I feel trapped. Like a butterfly in a cocoon, a lion in a cage. 
I know deep down that I want desperately to write everything in my head. But I’m fearful.

Fearful that I can’t dedicate the time any more to make this good. Worried that people in my “real life” will find out and think of me differently – will I be labelled as an oversharer? What is the point in a blog? Who do I think I am posting my life online? Who even cares about my life anyway? 

Recently I’ve ignored the tiny space on the internet that I lovingly created and crafted on maternity leave back in 2011 – and got quite good at (I was shortlisted for an award you know!) In truth, I’ve found it exceptionally hard since going back to work to carry on. 

My days are, quite simply, full.  It’s only during times like these few days between Christmas and New Year where I can pull my head up and review the past year. Only I’ve got very little to go on as there’s just tumbleweed blowing about on here. 

I’m in awe of other more established bloggers, many of whom have started and excelled in the time I’ve been blithering about over here. How do they do it? 

For one thing, I genuinely struggle to find the time, but also I’m deep down worried about people judging what I do and my decisions and pigeonholing me into the stereotype of a bragging blogger Mum. 
It has also been harder since Elliot started at school, we’re now in a new community of school mums and I don’t want to come across as an  oversharer, or be consided to be bragging about my life and my children. 

I also worry about what the boys will think when they’re older. Will they understand that I captured all of this for them? Will they forgive the absence of memories captured here from the past couple of years? Alexander turned 3 and Elliot was 6 (6!) this month. They’re growing up fast and I’m not capturing it at all, apart from some grainy photos on my phone. 

All I know is that I just want to write about my family. So what do I do? Carry on writing here? Create a new, anonymous, space, or give up and write it all in a private blog or a good old fashioned diary?? 

Who knows? I’m hoping 2017 will have the answer. 2015 and 2016 have largely been absent from this little blog of mine and it’s time for that to change. 

The only one who can make that change is me. Time to be a bit braver me thinks! 

Advertisements

Blog Your Heart Out

I’ve been tagged by BooRooandTiggerToo to take on the Blog Your Heart Out meme, which I’ve seen on many blogs and always enjoyed reading.

So what is the Blog Your Heart Out meme all about? It involves me answering five questions about blogging and then tagging a couple of bloggers to pass on the meme and keep the blog love going. Think of it as a modern day chain letter, just nicer!

So here goes:

Who/What encouraged you to start blogging?
When I was on maternity leave with Elliot I read a lot of blogs and opened up a world of fellow mummies wanting to capture memories for their kids as they grow up. I am worried that I am going to forget these days so I want to capture as much as possible on here, even if it’s just for my own enjoyment in future years!

How did you choose what to blog about?
Well, when I started blogging my whole world revolved around one small but quite demanding little person and I therefore wrote mainly about motherhood. We now have two of them. They are the main subjects of the blog, but I also enjoy posting recipes and comments on parenting issues. I’m sure the subject matter will vary as my children grow up.

What is something most people don’t know about you?
That would be telling! To be honest I’m pretty boring so there’s very little that people don’t know about me. I used to do Irish dancing when I was little and was in Oxford’s version of Riverdance (not quite as exciting as it sounds, but very fun nonetheless!)

What three words describe your style?
Hmm, I hate these types of questions. I’d say my blogging style is sporadic, I’d like to think that I’m quite organised (just don’t look in any of our cupboards!) and currently my husband would probably describe me as sleepy (we have a 4 month old, ok?!)

What do you love to do when you are not blogging?
Looking after our two boys takes up much of my time. I’m currently on maternity leave and will be returning to work later this year (my logistic skills will be tested then so I’d rather not think about it just yet!) I love creating things – recent projects have included a dress for my niece, a half finished amigarumi ‘Duck’ (from ‘Sarah & Duck’) and a cardigan for Alexander. I love to try my hand at anything from jewellery making to crochet and an hour spent in a craft shop is never boring for me!

So that’s a bit more about me, and now it’s my turn to pass the baton on to some really lovely bloggers:

Rambling Through Parenthood
This Mummy Loves
Tattooed Lady With A Baby
Little Jampot Life
Simply Sophie
Mummy M’s Memories
Poole Mamma
Beetroot Brownie
Menai
Emily and Indiana

Go for it ladies!

20140506-210518.jpg

A favour, please

The award season is here everyone, and I am going to be shameless in asking for your nomination in the BiBs (Brilliance in Blogging Awards)
Here are a couple of reasons why you should vote for me:

1. I don’t normally win things. I mean not since I was an Irish dancer when I was little and my sister and I used to bring home lots of medals and trophies (sorry mum and dad, we did take up quite a lot of room!) These days I feel like I’ve won a prize if I’ve managed to successfully change a dirty nappy without getting it on me/the floor/the furniture or the baby! A nice little award would look lovely on my mantlepiece, thank you very much.

2. I love writing this blog! I am doing this mainly for me, as I know I’ll love reading about my little boys when they’ve grown and flown the nest (though I’m desperately trying not to think about that too much as am finding it hard enough being on a different floor of my house from my babies. The thought of them ever being in another house/town/county or god-forbid country gives me palpitations!) Anyway, as much as I love writing, it really makes me smile when I get lovely comments – written and verbal – from people who are reading this. It makes it all worthwhile, as would a lovely shiny award!

Also, I know a couple of little people who would be very proud of their mama if I even got on the shortlist! Alexander even decided to don a silly hat to prove his devotion to the blogging-mama cause!

20140325-162543.jpg

So, if you fancy nominating me please head over to the BiB Awards site and enter Letters to Elliot in the category you find most appropriate (I’m suggesting the Family category as I short listed in this category last year, but if you fancied entering me for Writer also that would be fantastic and I’d love you forever!)

20140325-163024.jpg

BiB2014familyNom

What your fb status says about you

A couple of weeks ago I spotted a plea on Twitter from the lovely Aimee (Horton, over at Pass the Gin) asking for people to test out her new book.

Never one to turn up an offer for a free read, I jumped at the chance and was promptly sent a copy of Survival of the Ginnest.

Survival of the Ginnest, Aimee Horton cover image

I read it in one sitting. Honestly. It had me hooked. Written in a really interesting style, totally through Facebook statuses, I found myself wanting to add a comment myself, and kept looking for the ‘Like’ button!

In short, the book tells the story of four years in the life of Dottie Harris – quite a life changing four years in all honesty, as she goes through two pregnancies taking her from a girl about town, coping admirably with working with a hangover, to yummy mummy of two and the joys(!)  that her new role brings along with it. It’s a journey that lots of mums can relate to and I think the book will appeal to anyone who likes a quick read between their children’s bath time and their own bedtime!

I think what I enjoyed most is the kind of abstract voice you get if you literally just look at one person’s viewpoint on what is happening in their lives – exactly what you get if you look at someone else’s (or indeed your own) social media status updates. It can often tell a story all of its own and that is what Aimee has managed to do in this book. It’s like listening to one half of a conversation, and I had great fun making up the other half in my own head as I was reading.

I’d recommend you head over to Aimee’s blog and take a peek!

Survival of the Ginnest is available NOW in e-book format on all digital platforms and their website shops including Kindle, ibooks, Nook and Kobo, and is priced at just £1.99!

P.S. I have received no payment for this post, I just honestly loved the book – call it helping out a new virtual friend 🙂

A post from cloud nine!

Well hello there,

I’m currently writing from a cloud. Number nine to be precise. I’ve been hanging out here for the last hour since I found out I’ve made my FIRST EVER blog award short list!!!! I know, I can barely believe it either!

Had a lovely post all figured out for today but that will have to wait. I’m far too excited!!

If you like my little corner of the web and fancy making my smile even bigger than my current Cheshire Cat grin, please please vote for me. Votes close on 12th May.

Now please excuse me, I’m off to dance around on my cloud a la Charlie and Lola! Yippee!!!!

NOMINATE ME BiB 2013 FAMILY