April 4, 2014 by Elliotandme

Alexander at 16 weeks

The saying “time flies when you’re having fun” is proving to be true at the moment. In fact time seems to be flying whether we are having fun or not (mostly we are!)

Alexander you are now nearly 16 weeks old, that’s four months! I can’t believe how quickly those months have passed. You are getting better at sleeping for longer stretches at night and as much as I hate to admit it moving you into your own room seems to have been a good idea. I think we’re a way off a full nights sleep, which your brother was doing by now but to be honest I really don’t mind. We’ll get there.

You have the sunniest nature and really are an easy baby. Lots of people like to comment on how happy, smiley and quiet you are. I love being your mummy!

March 25, 2014 by Elliotandme

On knowing when to stop

When Elliot was a baby, I really enjoyed watching him grow and develop. I spent weeks anticipating and thinking about each new milestone – sleeping through the night, moving into his own room, packing up the bassinet and converting to a sit up buggy, beginning weaning, crawling etc.

I had expected to feel the same this time. After all I’ve done this all before haven’t I? I thought I’d be able to get even more excited about each new step this time around as I wouldn’t have the added anxiety that sometimes hindered me from fully embracing the steps with Elliot. With him, I had worried about converting the buggy to a sit up buggy, and I spent quite a while worrying about when to start weaning.

I know I’m not going to be really anxious about any of these milestones this time around. However, what I didn’t expect was to feel such an element of sadness at each stage.

I packed up the newborn baby clothes a couple of weeks ago and found it a lot harder than I had thought I would. Alexander is now pretty much filling his 0-3 clothes and so I think it won’t be long before they’re packed up too! Really not looking forward to that.

Alexander is also definitely outgrowing the Moses basket in our room, and so really should be moving into his own cot in his bedroom. Elliot was in his own room from about 10 weeks, and Alexander is now 14 weeks old and is bigger than Elliot was at this age. He has been sleeping in his own room during the early part of the night, and up to now we’ve been taking him up to our room when he woke for a feed.

I’ve managed to put off settling him back in his own room after this feed for this long by using the excuse that we are now up in the new attic room, so Alexander would be on a different floor entirely, and I’d have to spend time going up and down stairs in the night, and that could disturb Elliot. The truth is that I’ve just not wanted this stage to happen. I want to keep Alexander in our room, a tiny baby in a Moses basket, as in my head I know it’s probably the last time I’ll have that.

We did think about using the travel cot in our room for a bit, but ultimately I felt that that would just be me putting off the inevitable, so last night I bit the bullet and left him in his own room the whole night (obviously going in to feed him!) He did really well, woke 3 or 4 times, but settled ok in his big cot. It was nice having a proper place to sit and feed him rather than perching on the side of our bed, but it was very odd not having him in our room when I woke this morning. I’m glad that for once Elliot didn’t come upstairs to find us, as I would have stupidly felt like I had to go and get Alexander so that he wouldn’t be “on his own” downstairs. This is, I know, plain ridiculous!

What is going on in my brain? I’m hoping this is normal for mums when they think they’re going through these steps for the last time?

We haven’t “officially” decided that we won’t have any more children. I don’t think I could ever rule it out entirely, but common sense tells me that three children would certainly make life more complicated. We’d need a new car and a new house (probably). How would we ever afford a holiday let alone shoes for everyone? And what happens if any of them want to go to university? My parents helped me with so many things, and I want to be able to do that for my children. Three children would ultimately mean that each child gets less, so in some ways the best thing for Elliot and Alexander would be for us not to have any more. I’m just not sure how I feel about that right now.

Until I do get my head to see sense, I’m putting this all down to hormones, and will console myself with lots of cuddles with my growing-up-too-fast boys, and perhaps some chocolate cake!

To keep up to date with Letters to Elliot, why not follow me on Bloglovin and Twitter @elliotandme

March 10, 2014 by Elliotandme

Siblings – March

I’ve cheated a little with the Siblings project this month, as the photos aren’t just of the boys. We’ve been trying to photograph us all together as a family, and the selfies we ended up with are so funny I thought these should be the photos I’d use.

The boys are definitely getting more used to each other now. Ignoring a recent unfortunate incident with a toy engine (Diesel 10 for anyone interested in engines) and Alexander’s head (!) Elliot is generally very kind towards Alexander, and is always comforting him whenever her cries. He gave him one of his precious muslin squares this week when Alex was crying waiting for me to open the front door and can often be heard saying “it’s okay Alexander, mummy’s coming” It’s enough to make my heart melt a little…

These three months seem to have flown by and I can’t believe we’re on month three of this project. It’s scary really. Hope 2014 slows down a little now the spring is finally making an appearance. For now I’m going to make a cup of tea and check out the other Siblings posts for this month. To do the same, click on the icon below (it won’t make you a cuppa but they’re good reads!)

See my other Siblings posts:

January
February

March 7, 2014 by Elliotandme

A letter to my children on sleep, or the lack of

To my beautiful sons,

I’m sure you’re right in your current belief that mummy was getting a bit too much sleep lately. After all, being woken every three hours to feed a newborn is almost the same as the halcyon days of getting 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep pre-children (a time which I now believe is actually just fictional)

I’m sure you’re just thinking that waking so infrequently could have been said to have been getting a bit dull, so your exercise this past week of “let’s wake the big ones more often” has been especially welcome. It’s been interesting to see the world through the sleepy fug that waking every hour brings, so thanks for that!

I have to say that I really think it’s great how the two of you are developing a sense of team work so early in your sibling relationship. You have clearly devised a plan between you to make sure that you’re not both awake at the same time so you both get to benefit from some one-to-one parent time, and I’m sure the worlds greatest mathematicians would be interested in how you’ve worked out the optimal time between wakings:

For those that are interested this works out as:
Time of your brother returning to bed/sleep + 32 minutes (approximately the time it takes mummy to become completely settled, warm and cosy under the duvet and be drifting off to a lovely sleep)

3 year old, I think you’re doing especially well at this given that before the baby came along you were sleeping through routinely and not waking at all, so you must have had to work hard to get into the new routine of night waking and crying. And let me take this opportunity to say that I totally agree with your many and varied stated reasons for waking up. My favourites from the past few days include “I don’t need anything, I just wanted to see you”, and “I don’t want orange juice” (none was being offered, it was 2am)

And to you, littlest one, I must say I really appreciate how you’ve waited until you’re almost 12 weeks old to experiment with waking more often. After all, knowing that you CAN go 4 or even 5 hours between feeds at night makes it even more delightful when I get to see your beautiful face more often than that. I know this is just a recent experiment, but I think we’ll all be happier (or is that just me?!) when you go back to your lovely blissful previous routine.

So, my darling children, thank you for your consideration and thoughtfulness, but I think maybe we should try to see each other a bit less between the hours of 7pm to 7am. It’s not you, it’s me, and to be honest that way you’ll have a much nicer set of parents the rest of the time. Deal?

Trying to win me over with his “I love Mummy” t shirt whilst sleeping LIKE A LOG during the day!

March 3, 2014 by Elliotandme

Being a mum of two, or how to develop a stretchy heart

Going from one to two children is a big step for most parents. Certainly during my pregnancy with Alexander people seemed to like to tell me horror stories of their lives with two children and how difficult/stressful/tiring it is. Some even looked at my growing bump and said “ooh, you’ll wish you’d stuck with one!”

We had been so lucky with Elliot, he was a relatively easy baby, and slept, ate and grew well, seemed to hit all development milestones pretty much when he was meant to (though was late walking, and don’t even ask about potty training!) He is now an easy going toddler, and is (mostly!) a joy to be around.

As we got closer to Alexander’s birth, I did start to wonder about whether we had made the right decision. Elliot was going through a really cute phase of coming in to our room in the mornings, to climb in to the middle of the bed and cuddle/play with the iPad. It was a lovely way to wake up and I just knew that was going to be difficult with a newborn.

I worried about how I would cope with the two of them on the days I’d have both on my own. Elliot had developed the three year old whine (for the uninitiated this is a very specific, monotone whine, which seems to go on for ages prompted by the smallest of incidents!) and I couldn’t fathom how I’d be able to rationally persuade him to stop whilst keeping a newborn asleep. How would I occupy a three year old during those long feeds that a newborn needs? And more importantly, how could I ever love another child as much as I loved my firstborn?

It turns out, like with many things, there was no need to worry at all. It really hasn’t been that difficult. We’re 11 weeks in, that’s nearly 3 months, and I can’t think of a single incident where we’ve felt like it’s all too much *touches wood*

What I’ve realised is to a large extent newborns are rather dull. Ours is anyway (sorry Alexander!) Until recently his routine tended to follow the sleep, feed, poo, sleep circle. Over the last couple of weeks we’ve had more awake time, where he loves playing on his playmat, watching Elliot/whoever is around or staring at his hands!

Newborns can be left waiting (within reason) which is something that first time mums rarely attempt. Alexander often has to wait if we’re trying to get Elliot to finish his tea, or if Elliot wants to have help with building a “fantastic track”, and do you know what, he really doesn’t seem to mind. I tend to vocalise this to Elliot “Alexander has to wait while mummy helps you Elliot, isn’t he doing well?” so that he realises that Alexander isn’t taking first priority all the time.

We’ve had no tantrums from Elliot relating to Alexander, he genuinely seems to like him, and though the whining is still there and occasionally gets pretty loud and high pitched, Alexander seems to have been born with an ability to sleep through anything (again something that as a first time mum I don’t think I realised!) and I don’t get as cross as I had imagined I would.

I’ve also learnt that I am able to survive on less sleep than I thought possible. There are many nights where, between them, the boys wake us every hour or two, but this doesn’t seem too difficult. Certainly not as tough as the first few weeks with Elliot. (That’s not to say I don’t enjoy the weekend lie in when it comes!)

The main difference I’ve found is a lack of “me time”, I used to enjoy a few minutes peace while Chris bathed Elliot, but I’m now occupied with putting Alexander to bed. We’re also honing our super-organised skills to make sure we have everything that both children need whenever we go out.

Of course I really needn’t have worried at all about how I would find space in my heart to love another baby. Literally the moment Alexander was placed in my arms my heart stretched to fit him in, and to my delight I found that somewhere in there resides a whole other pot of love dedicated to him. This doesn’t detract from the love I have for Elliot, if anything I love my amazing three year old even more as he’s coped so well with being a big brother. My heart swells when I see him playing with Alexander. Being a mum to two is not a walk in the park, but it really is the most amazing thing.