Secret post #1 9.4.13

This is the first of a series of secret posts I have written over the last few months. We are actually now 18 weeks pregnant, but I’d like to take you back to when we had just found out :-

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This post is so secret I haven’t even typed it. It exists in a notebook, written in pencil.

You see I have something to keep secret for a little while longer, but I don’t want to forget how I feel right now.

On Sunday, 7th April 2013, we found out we are pregnant! I think that makes me 5 weeks along so far – too soon to tell anyone but not too soon to celebrate quietly on our own with a touch of anxiety thrown in…

Sadly, in the last 9 months we had the misfortune to go through two miscarriages. I haven’t blogged about this as although I wanted to, there is so much of a taboo about the subject still, and I guess an element of admitting to others that you’re trying, and failing, to get pregnant was a bit off-putting.

However, here we are and our fingers are firmly crossed that this little miracle decides to stick around.

Hang on in there little bean. Together I am sure we can make it!

Lots of love,
Mummy x

Some news

So, I’m not going to lie, I’ve had other things on my mind during the past couple of months that mean I have rather neglected this little blog of mine. This is a shame as Elliot has been fast developing his speech even further, and is also taking early steps in reading too – all of this will have to be blogged about soon or I shall forget (stupid Mummy brain)

Though I now have another reason to be speedily depleting my brain cells once again- we are pregnant!

Yep, Elliot’s little brother or sister will make an appearance sometime in December. Handily coinciding with Elliot’s third birthday – now that’s a present he’s not going to forget in a hurry!

At this stage I think it will be born by elective cesarean sometime around the 7th – and my midwife and consultant are all on board so we’ll just need to wait and see.

Needless to say we are all now very excited. Elliot keeps asking to “see baby, mummy?” which is rather cute.

We’ve had a rocky road to get here though, hence my nervousness about posting on here. At 14 weeks now and having been able to find the heartbeat with a Doppler at home, and having had a wonderful 12 week scan, I’m hoping we can relax and enjoy the second trimester for a while.

I have been writing a series of secret posts, addressed to the baby, which go some way to explaining our nervousness, which if I’m brave enough I’ll post on here in the next few weeks.

In the meantime, apologies for the lack of posts and hopefully now I can stay up a bit later than 8pm, I’ll be able to write a bit more often. I’ll leave you with a picture of surely the cutest big brother to be (I’m not biased at all!)
Xx

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Is it just me or is potty training terrifying?

thejbird / People Photos / CC BY

There are several things that in all honesty I don’t like. These include being in long queues, being anywhere without access to a cup of tea, people who drive with fog lights on when it’s not foggy, even the annoying man who we see cycling every day on the way to work who never has his feet on his pedals in the right way, and anything to do with those really grim public toilets you find in town centres.

This last point is what I’m particularly worrying about as we are speedily heading towards the happy land of “potty training” in this house.

Our little man seems quite keen, we’ve had reports that he has “been” on a potty twice in the past couple of weeks at nursery, though currently is not showing any interest at home. For the Mummy who barely remembers to go herself before leaving the house, I’m worried I’m heading for disaster.

I mean how can you possibly get away without visiting a public toilet when you’re potty training a toddler? I can’t expect him to hang on in the insane manner that his mother seems to be able to can I?

I don’t deal with mess very well either and surely that’s an unavoidable delight that goes along with this whole phase? I can’t expect no accidents at all can I? How long do these things take?

So I need coping strategies, fast. Any advice?

Photo credit: thejbird / Foter.com / CC BY

I remember, I remember…

Dear Elliot,

Today I haven’t stopped thinking of the day we came home from hospital with you as a tiny 5 day old baby. And why is that I hear you ask?

Let me take you back to the 18th December 2010:

You and I had been in hospital due to my silly blood pressure (which coincidentally was fine as soon as you were delivered) for 5 days after your birth on the 13th. The day came to bring you home and the snow decided to pay a visit too. Oxfordshire was covered in thick snow, which meant we only made it to my parents house instead of our home.

I love this picture of you all bundled up ready to face the cold.

First car ride

First car ride

I remember wrapping you up in a blanket and laying you down on the sofa at Grandmum and Grampy’s house. You were so tiny.

I remember struggling through the snow to get home the following day, and then Daddy carrying you across the road outside our house.

I remember leaving you asleep in the car seat in the living room, while all around was silent and white, and sitting staring at you, all the while thinking we were the luckiest people in the world at that very second.

I love snow.

xxx

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The business of birthing

I’ve been following a series of tweets from Kirstie Allsopp (@KirstieMAllsopp) today inviting comments on NCT’s attitude towards c-sections and bottle feeding. The National Childbirth Trust is well known for having a “natural birthing” focus, but it seems that many women feel that they have been presented with a rose-tinted view of birth and subsequently feel like they’ve not “done it properly” when this isn’t the reality they are faced with during labour and birth. About a quarter of all births in the UK are Caesarean sections and this doesn’t seem to be reflected in the NCT offerings.

As I could have predicted, these tweets to Kirstie have sparked me to think about my own birth experience and the attitude of my NCT leader in preparing me for Elliot’s arrival.

Before my rant reasoned argument begins, I should place a disclaimer here: obviously these views are all my own and I am only talking about my own experience with the NCT two years ago.

Through my NCT classes in October and November 2010 we met an amazing group of friends who we are still very much in touch with today. I love the fact that my son has friends that he has known since before they were all born! This was certainly the best aspect of the classes I attended and I know I’m not on my own in feeling that these friends of mine and I are forever bonded by experiencing that tough first year together. I love them all so much (that’s probably another blog post in itself!)

However, I do feel very strongly that we were not adequately prepared for the traumatic birth that some of us experienced. In no way do I think it is possible for one teacher to cover all the various aspects and possibilities of birthing within one course but I don’t think I’m alone in thinking that we were actually actively dissuaded from inductions or c-sections, when in reality a large percentage of women (myself included) do not have any options when all is said and done – I mean you can hardly refuse an emergency c-section can you? The clue is in the name!!

During the classes, we were given talks about the various stages of labour, lots of talks about how we can recognise what stage we are in (I can still see the cut out cartoon faces that we had to match up with the various stages!)

We also had detailed information about breast feeding (no bottles, which I can’t help thinking is actually harder to get right, no?!), and one particularly interesting night was spent looking inside nappies that had been smeared with marmite, pesto, or korma sauce to illustrate the progression of our soon-to-be newborn’s bowel movements.

I very clearly remember being told that we should “do everything we can to avoid being induced”, to which we all naively nodded like school children and then went home feeling a little bit confused and hopeful we wouldn’t have to worry about it.

The following week the anti-induction message continued, and the statistics of how being induced greatly increases your chances of having a medicalised birth (i.e. a forceps, ventouse or cesarean section) were discussed so the advice was still to “do everything we can” to avoid it.

Needless to say, and to be honest rather predictably for me, I ended up at 41 weeks thinking I’d already gone against the advice of my NCT tutor as I’d failed to go into labour naturally.

Resigning myself to the prospect of being induced, I then spent 20 hours in labour – actually doing really well – before I then had the second anti-NCT thought of this whole birthing experience, which was whether to have an epidural or not. I clearly remember struggling with this decision whilst completely exhausted and upset, before (thankfully?) the decision was taken out of my hands as an emergency cesarean was deemed necessary.

Of course once my beautiful son was born and was safe and well (Apgars of 10 and 10 thank you very much!) I quickly forgot about the NCT message and pushed it to the back of mind.

Today, having noticed the number of mums who are in the same boat, makes me more than a little cross. Don’t even get me started on the breast vs bottle debate which I can’t begin to cover here.

Now this is my own experience. I continue to recommend the NCT to pregnant friends as a good way to meet people and learn the basics of childcare but I do tell them to take everything with a pinch of salt so to speak.

It may not be the ethos of the NCT, or perhaps its just some of their group leaders that choose to promote an anti-medicalised labour?, but at whatever level the course outlines are agreed there needs to be an agreement to listen to the weight of evidence that implies that women do not feel adequately supported currently and address this to improve the offering.

Surely no matter how their babies are born it is the health of the mother (both mentally and physically) that should be the ultimate focus of any organisation wanting to support women and their partners through this life changing time?

Ok, rant over….

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P.S. If you’d like to read Kirstie’s blog on this issue, and the responses, you can find it here. (I especially like the Dara O’Briain NCT video at the end)