Motherhood

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I wish I’d known… Mummy tips

My sister gave birth earlier this month to my first niece- she is absolutely the most beautiful thing ever!

It got me thinking back to the early days with Elliot and noting all the things I know now that I wish someone had told me back then:

1. If you’re anything like me, do not pay any heed to any Gina Ford “you must eat toast at precisely 7.48 am”/ “place the drowsy, but awake, baby in his crib in the complete darkness no later than 6.30pm” types. The Contented Baby book stays in a pile of discarded shoes/ bags under our bed in our house, only to be dragged out whenever I just need to check if E is drinking enough milk! I personally feel that trying to shoehorn your baby into that strict a routine is bound to end in tears (yours most likely!) In my limited experience I’d say let the baby be the guide for feeds etc for certainly the first few weeks. You’ll then probably find that you can keep them going for 3 hours between the start of one feed and the next, even if they start looking hungry after 2 or 2 1/2 hours- we found that jiggling Elliot around/ rocking him/ putting a clean finger in his mouth made him last that little bit longer and soon he knew that he’d be fed every 3 hours.

2. Breast feeding is really tough, and doesn’t work for everyone. I managed to breast feed E for almost 9 months, with the last 3 months down to 2 feeds a day and supplemented with formula. I may rile some breastfeeding advocates here but I was formula fed as a baby and so far have suffered no ill effects so have absolute confidence in saying that there is no need to be a martyr to the breastfeeding cause for any longer than you feel you can. It really won’t harm your child to supplement with formula or feed 100% from a bottle. After all if that means a happier mummy I think I know what the baby would choose if it could talk.

3. Regardless of breast or bottle, make sure you share the load- express and get your partner (if possible!) to do the last feed before midnight and get yourself to bed early. This worked a treat in our house. I got to sleep and my husband got to watch QI and Top Gear on Dave! Win-win!

4. Trust your instincts. The baby hasn’t read any parenting books do you can’t expect it to follow any of the advice/ routines contained therein. I definitely think there’s no harm in making it up as you go along!

5. Best bit of advice I was given: your baby needs to be left alone for a while every day, obviously in your sight – in a bouncy chair in the room with you or Moses basket with some bright toys to look at – so that it learns that it doesn’t need to be held all the time. Also gives your arms a rest and allows you to drink a hot cup of tea or type an email!

6. Keep night-time dark and day-time light – try if possible to feed in the dark at night and only change a dirty nappy, if it’s just wet then leave it be – and then mark the morning by opening curtains and singing/ chatting animatedly. Do this from an early age and the baby will soon learn about sleeping through.

7. Right from the start, if I was at home during the day I’d put Elliot down for any day time sleeps in his big cot in the nursery rather than the Moses basket in our room. I think that this helped when he came to move in there at night as it wasn’t new and scary.

8. Sleep when your baby sleeps. I was RUBBISH at this and now kinda regret it as I’ve realised that with any future babies I’ll not have that luxury as I’ll have Elliot to entertain! Make the most of any opportunity to rest.

9. Go out with your friends. As soon as you feel able to. Even if it’s just for an hour. It makes you feel human again, honestly. Do this often!!

10. Make time for your partner too. Book a babysitter (you’ll probably have people falling over eachother to offer) and go to the pub for a drink, yet again 1 hour is enough to save your sanity (though you will talk about your child for 90% of the time you are out!)

Finally, it’s always worth remembering that however exhausted you are at the beginning, it honestly doesn’t last forever. You’ll feel totally different in a matter of weeks, I promise. That first smile makes all these hard weeks worth it!

What did you wish you knew before having children?

Xxx

Elliot and Mummy – aged 2 weeks

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Happy Birthday my little man

13 December 2011 – your first birthday!

Happy birthday to my little man
For nine months I carried you inside me, protected you and let you grow,
For several more I carried you in my arms, rocked you to sleep and played peep-o
Now you’re crawling, very soon you’ll be walking, my little man
I can’t wait to hold your hand while you take those first steps
Just don’t grow up too fast
Looking back at photos it is very clear
You’ve achieved so much and it’s only been a year
Adventurous and fun, that’s how I’d describe you, my little man
I can’t wait to watch you grow and develop
Just don’t grow up too fast
And always remember
No matter what life throws at you
Through thick and thin
Good times and bad
I love you
Mummy xxx
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My favourite photo & Your story, continued…

To Elliot,

My favourite photo is one of you and your Daddy when you were only a few hours old – I can’t remember how many, the morphine made my head a little fuzzy that day 😦

The photo perfectly captures how our lives suddenly changed the day you were born and I don’t think anything, or anyone, could have prepared us for the surge of affection we felt for you. Particularly after such a troublesome labour, we were just so amazed and relieved you were here.

I remember being transferred from the operating table to a bed, still in theatre, and someone asking me which side I wanted to lie on (I was numb from the chest down) and then someone brought you to me and put you in the crook of my arm on the bed. It was THE proudest moment of my life so far, being wheeled through to the observation ward where your daddy was waiting, with all the other mums looking to see us arrive. I was so so tired and so so happy.

We were given toast and tea and a nice nurse came and dressed you. My parents came to meet you at 3 when visitors were allowed and your other grandparents at 5. I think this photo was taken then, so you would have been 6 or 7 hours old.

I love this photo – I love the proud, tired, happy smile on your daddy, and the way you are nestled into him. The start of a wonderful relationship!

Lots of love,
Mummy xxxx

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Your story – part two: Time to be born

To Elliot,
Here’s one of your scan pictures from before you were born! This is from your 12 week scan and you were sleeping soundly.
You and I had a great pregnancy – including trips to Germany, Malta (where I first felt you kick at 15 weeks) and China (at 28 weeks – I felt HUGE!) Towards the end, the pregnancy seemed to go on forever, particularly because I had thought you’d arrive early! You clearly had other ideas and at 11 days overdue I was induced and you were on your way!
The lovely midwife Naomi helped us get through a really tough night, and then handed over to two other midwives who were to get us to the final stage. Unfortunately, before long it was clear that you were in distress and the doctors couldn’t find your heart beat any longer so we were rushed to theatre for an emergency cesarean section to get you out safely. It took them 8 minutes to get us to the theatre and get you out. I remember how silent the room went as you were born, everyone waiting for you to breathe, and the relief when you screamed!
We didn’t know whether you were a boy or a girl but helpfully I could clearly see that you were a boy in the way they carried you past my head as they went to check everything was ok. Your Dad was the first to hold you, and you waited to open your eyes until you were safely in his arms. It was a magical moment after a traumatic few minutes and we were so pleased you were safe and well.
You and I stayed in hospital for 5 days and got to know each other. We finally came home on the 18 December 2010 – in a massive snowstorm. It was so bad we couldn’t get back to our house so we stayed at my mum and dad’s, your Grandmum and Grampy’s for your first night out of hospital.
Thankfully the roads were better the next day so we went home to get ready for your first Christmas!
Lots of love,
Mummy xx
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Your story – Part one

To Elliot,

I think there are very few times in your life that you’ll remember forever, like I’m sure those around to see the first man on the moon can tell you exactly where they were and what they were doing at that moment. Mine is a little less globally important, but it completely rocked my world so I’ll tell you all about seeing that little blue line appear on the pregancy test – actually it was a digital one, with an indication of how many weeks pregnant I was also – very handy.

I’d been in Italy with work for a week, and had a little suspicion that something wasn’t quite normal, but since I was busy at Bologna book fair, I put it to the back of my mind and continued working hard all day, and wining and dining in the evenings. I had also just got back into running so had taken my kit with me and ran in the park a few times that week, enjoying the escape it allowed me from the busy days.

It was only when I got home – Saturday 27 March 2010 – that I thought we really should find out if I was pregnant. i called your Dad who went out to buy the tests, and came back with a bottle of gin too. He asked which I wanted first and poured me a gin. I thought perhaps if there was a baby growing in me, it may not appreciate yet more alcohol to swim in so I took the test upstairs and waited, and waited, while it determined whether our lives were indeed going to change.

I was shaking as I came back down the stairs, and felt a complete mix of emotions – absolutely ecstatic and at the same time terrified at the prospect that in a few short months we’d have a little baby to join us. Your dad was thrilled too, saying that he knew it would be positive this time.

After a brief scare during those first few weeks of pregnancy, we knew all was well with you. An early scan allowed us to see your little heart beating away. I’ve never been more excited in my life.

This was the beginning of our adventure…

Lots of love,
Mummy xxx