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New Start

The time has come to send the littlest one off to school. Most of his years have been absent from this little blog of mine. Things got busy, and I simply lost confidence. That is about to change. With Alexander starting school I’m hoping to find more time for me – yes I still need to work, pretty much full time, but I’m hoping to carve out at least a few hours a week to focus on writing and building up this space of mine, and perhaps a new project or two.

In the meantime, let me tell you about this darling littlest boy of mine.

We had a few trials to get to Alexander, but oh he was worth the wait and all the heartache. He made us complete, and I couldn’t love him any more than I do. He is a bundle of happiness, chatter and hugs (he’s very keen on the hugs) and he has a wonderful way of making everyone around him smile.

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At nearly 5 (his birthday, like his brother’s, is in December – well done us!)  he is so ready to go to school. I’m not sure I’m ready but then I don’t think as a mum you are ever ready for your babies to start their journey away from you.

I know from experience that the school years go so quickly – Elliot is going into Year 3 and it only seems like yesterday that it was his very first day in Reception. Alexander will have the same Reception teacher as Elliot did, which is lovely.  I’m sure they’ll notice some similarities between them, but in other ways they are very different.

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I’ll be posting updates on both boys soon, as this is definitely a blog to chart their story  and one that they can look back on when they’re all grown up.

In the meantime I’d like this September to mark a new start, for my boys, and for me. Hopefully I’ll be posting more on here, and I am very keen to start some projects I’ve been thinking about for some time. Watch this space!

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Breaking the silence


I feel trapped. Like a butterfly in a cocoon, a lion in a cage. 
I know deep down that I want desperately to write everything in my head. But I’m fearful.

Fearful that I can’t dedicate the time any more to make this good. Worried that people in my “real life” will find out and think of me differently – will I be labelled as an oversharer? What is the point in a blog? Who do I think I am posting my life online? Who even cares about my life anyway? 

Recently I’ve ignored the tiny space on the internet that I lovingly created and crafted on maternity leave back in 2011 – and got quite good at (I was shortlisted for an award you know!) In truth, I’ve found it exceptionally hard since going back to work to carry on. 

My days are, quite simply, full.  It’s only during times like these few days between Christmas and New Year where I can pull my head up and review the past year. Only I’ve got very little to go on as there’s just tumbleweed blowing about on here. 

I’m in awe of other more established bloggers, many of whom have started and excelled in the time I’ve been blithering about over here. How do they do it? 

For one thing, I genuinely struggle to find the time, but also I’m deep down worried about people judging what I do and my decisions and pigeonholing me into the stereotype of a bragging blogger Mum. 
It has also been harder since Elliot started at school, we’re now in a new community of school mums and I don’t want to come across as an  oversharer, or be consided to be bragging about my life and my children. 

I also worry about what the boys will think when they’re older. Will they understand that I captured all of this for them? Will they forgive the absence of memories captured here from the past couple of years? Alexander turned 3 and Elliot was 6 (6!) this month. They’re growing up fast and I’m not capturing it at all, apart from some grainy photos on my phone. 

All I know is that I just want to write about my family. So what do I do? Carry on writing here? Create a new, anonymous, space, or give up and write it all in a private blog or a good old fashioned diary?? 

Who knows? I’m hoping 2017 will have the answer. 2015 and 2016 have largely been absent from this little blog of mine and it’s time for that to change. 

The only one who can make that change is me. Time to be a bit braver me thinks! 

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Siblings {September}

September has been a month of adjustments in our household. Elliot started school so has adjusted to school routines and is doing such a superstar job of settling in. I am so proud of him.

 
Alexander is having to adjust to not having Elliot around wherever he goes – they used to play in the garden at nursery whenever they could even though they were in different rooms, so that’s been a change for him. He seems so excited to see Elliot when they are finally reunited each day, it’s very cute.    

And the grown ups around here have had changes in working patterns to get used to along with the logistical getting everyone to where they need to be each day, with filled in forms for one thing or another, and packed lunches when required. We’re definitely not used to it all yet by any means, but we’re getting there. Slowly. 

So a huge change for everyone. In an effort to counter all that, we’ve been trying to spend some time just the four of us, to make sure we are not rushing from one place to the next without stopping to check everyone is ok and happy. We’re also intent on making the most of our National Trust membership which was a gift from my parents for Christmas last year. 

This weekend we had a beautiful sunny day exploring Snowshill Manor, and I managed to get some lovely pictures of my growing-up-too-fast boys. 

To say they love each other is a complete understatement. They literally are each other’s favourite person. Elliot loves nothing more than teaching Alexander new words and games to play, and regularly tells me how much he loves having “a baby brother and a cat” (those two things are clearly linked in his mind even though the cat was around way before I even met my husband let alone had any children…poor cat didn’t know what had hit her when her whole life turned upside down in a matter of 2 years. Bless her!) 

 

They are growing more and more alike in terms of looks and we get a lot of “ooh they could be twins, 3 years apart” comments, which is lovely. (Apparently we only make one form of human, which is an interesting aside…) 

In other ways they are quite different. Elliot continues to be the thinker and more introverted than Alexander, who is developing a more dare-devil approach to life, or is that just part of being nearly 2? Maybe I blocked that out the first time!?

We’re loving spending time with these two people and I am constantly amazed and delighted by them and the fact I get to be their mum. I’m a lucky mummy indeed.

  

Check out the other lovely posts from this month over with Dear Beautiful:

dear beautiful

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Siblings {August}

I think I’ve been putting off writing this month’s Siblings post. It’s the last one before Elliot starts school and I think the fact that they won’t be in the same place as each other every day is going to slightly change the relationship these two have carved out over the past 20 months.  Or maybe it will change nothing at all and I’m just being anxious for no reason. I hope that’s the case.

  

In all honesty, Elliot is Alexander’s favourite person. He regularly looks for him and enjoys finding toys that are his and telling me proudly “Lellot!” – it belongs to Elliot. He loves anything and everything that Elliot does, and likes to follow him about (whilst also doing a lot of adventurous discovering himself, being a lot braver, or maybe risk averse, than his elder counterpart!) 


Elliot is still loving his role as big brother and often recently I’ve seen him take Alexander’s hand and walk with him. 

Alexander is taking a while to actually properly learn his own name. The boys do look alike and at the moment if you ask Alex who he’s looking at in a mirror, he’ll be quite adamant that it’s “Lellot”! 

  

The boys are pretty keen on snacks, and iPhones. Please don’t judge! It’s hard to get them sitting in one place long enough to take one photo let alone a few to choose from!

  

 

Maybe next month we’ll have Elliot in his school uniform. I’ve just finished labelling it all 🙂

Check out the other lovely posts from this month over with Dear Beautiful:

dear beautiful

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Siblings {May, June & July!}

Oh dear oh dear! All good plans can suffer I guess. I had hoped to at least be able to take one reasonable photo of my boys and get it posted here once a month this year but these last few months have seen me focus attention elsewhere and for one reason or another I’ve neglected this little space. 

I guess I’m struggling a bit with the fact that people “in my real life” do actually read the stuff I put up here (n.b. this isn’t a shock, I do realise that I am posting on the World Wide Web, but you know it just feels odd that’s all..).  This tiny slice of the internet was only ever really about filing away memories for my little ones to read when they’re older (who am I kidding, it’s mainly for me….am so worried I’ll forget the magic of having grown two little people that I want to capture the whole damn thing so I get to look back when I’m older and greyer), anyway I kind of forgot that for a bit and got a bit freaked, and then didn’t do any capturing or filing away. Basically a bit of a vicious circle.. So I now have a three month gap to fill.

Three months in which LOTS has happened.

I did my first whole (mini!) triathlon in June and my little future Brownlee boys helped encourage my training:   

We went on holiday. Twice!:

      

Elliot finished at one Pre-School, and will be leaving his other one at the end of August, ready for starting school in September – how on earth is he old enough for that? 

  

And Alexander seems to have developed the ability to do forward rolls, at 18 months, which is pretty scary I can tell you…I think we have Tumbletots to thank for that, he loves it!

 

So, all in all a busy little time in our family. The boys continue to get on really well and they clearly love each other loads. Alexander can now say “lellot” and likes to point him out when we go to collect them from nursery. He’s really going to miss him when he goes to school I think. Big changes are on the horizon! 

dear beautiful